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When do children really understand what "Adoption" means?
Author:
Jeff Conrad
Today most Scientists & Adoption Agents are of the opinion that
parents should inform their adopted children as soon as possible
about their status. The issue should thereafter be discussed
more often at various points in time to give the child/children
a chance to grasp their special status and the opportunity to
ask questions. Only an early introduction to the subject will
give parents and children a chance to develop an open and
trusting relationship between each other.
There are two sides to the process of informing a child about
it's adoptive status: First of all the information has to be
passed on to the child and secondly the child has to understand
the information it has been given.
It is more than likely that a 4 year old child can be made to
refer to itself as "adopted" and further tell that it has grown
in another woman's womb before being adopted by it's present
parents. This however does not go to say that the child has
understood what an adoption really means. More so it has to be
assumed that due to the child's use of very specific vocabulary
related to the issue of adoption the parents are lured into the
false belief that their child fully understands the concept of
adoption. By doing so, the cognitive capability of a small child
is highly overestimated. It takes approximately 10 years for an
adopted child to fully grasp the information about its adoption
which they have been given at the age of 3 or 4. This knowledge
was the result of the scientific research by BRODZINSKY and his
colleagues during the "Rutgers Adoption Project" (1986). The
scientists examined 100 adopted children in comparison to 100
non-adopted children. There were 20 children in each age group:
4-5 years old, 6-7 years old, 8-9 years old, 10-11 years old and
12-13 years old. All adoptive children were adopted within the
first 2 ½ years of their life. Their understanding of the
adoption was evaluated on the basis of a 6 grade chart.
Although the 4-5 year old children had all been informed about
their adoption most of them did not have any understanding of
the meaning of an adoption (grade 0). At an average age of 5
years and 6 months most examined children either assumed that
all children in general were born to their biological parents or
that adoption and giving birth are the same (grade 1). At the
age of 7 years and 2 months children could distinguish between
adoption and birth. They viewed it as 2 different means of
becoming a part of a family. The relationship between the
adoptive parents and the child was described by the children to
be a permanent one. However they could not articulate a reason
for the permanence of this relationship other than voicing the
assumption that "The child is now owned by its adoptive parents"
(grade 2).
At an average age of 8 years and 8 months the children were not
so confident about the stability of the Parent-Child
Relationship anymore. They believed that their biological
parents would either claim them back one day or that their
adoptive parents could also decide to give them away at some
point in time (grade 3). At 10 years and 4 months of age the
children were confident in the lastingness of the relationship
between adoptive parents and child again. With regards to this
newly found confidence they even referred to professionals in a
position of authority such as Judges, Lawyers & Medical Doctors
(grade 4). It was not until the average age of 12 years and 5
months that the adopted children understood that an adoption on
a legal basis of specific laws incorporated the transfer of
parental rights and duties from the biological parents to the
adoptive parents (Grade 5).
The adopted children were aware of an Adoption Agency being
involved in their adoption at an average age of 8 years and 1
month but did not know the actual task of the Agency.
Approximately 10 months later they understood that this
organisation plays a vital role in the process. In most cases
the first assumption was that the Agency's purpose was to cater
to the wishes of the future adoptive parents. Once at an average
age of 11 years and 11 months the adoptive children understood
that the Agency first and foremost acts on behalf and in the
interest of the well being of the children put up for adoption,
therefore screening the potential adoptive parents.
Brodzinsky and his colleagues research clearly shows that the
understanding of an adoptive child with reference to its
adoption develops in predictable phases. In the beginning the
knowledge is still very general and slightly diffuse but becomes
more sophisticated with time. This knowledge is also associated
with a growing awareness of the connection with social
organisations and the relating laws.
The research indicates how difficult it must be for a child
under the age of 13 or 14 to process the fact of having a dual
set of parents. Younger children don't grasp this concept at
all, slightly older children find it hard to fit the
characteristics of adoptive parents into their idea of a family
concept. Eight and nine year olds know that parents and children
are blood related. Adoptive children of this particular age
group therefore question which family they are really part of -
their biological parents or their adoptive parents. Bearing in
mind that children of this age group (8-9 year olds) have not
yet understood the concept of adoption including all its
implications it is not surprising that they feel insecure of
their position within the adoptive family and voice a lot of
questions regarding their heritage. During a further examination
of 156 adopted children aged 6-11 years old Brodzinsky and his
colleagues (1986) found out that a child's comprehension of its
adoption is neither influenced by structure of the adoptive
family (only child, biological siblings, adopted siblings),
their social status, the previous history of the child nor its
age or condition of health at the time of adoption. This means
that the comprehension develops through an intra psychological
process by combining the newly received information with other
relevant knowledge of family structure, social institutions,
human motives, separation, loss, - etc. This Process is
therefore imbedded in the overall cognitive development of the
child.
The results of this research clearly show that parents and
adoption agents generally expect the adoptive children to
understand the process of an adoption too early. In return they
are surprised when primary school children ask a lot of
questions regarding their biological parents and their heritage,
the reasons for being put up for adoption as well as being
insecure in terms of their adoptive parents love and sometimes
show signs of sadness and depression. Parents and experts do not
understand these behavioural patterns and often wrongly judge it
as negative although it is quite normal, age appropriate and
probably inevitable. It is a sign that the children are trying
to achieve a better understanding of the adoption. In order to
do so they have to process the loss of their biological parents
and the resulting emotions (sadness) at this age. This is being
complicated by the lack of knowledge about their biological
parents.
Consequently it is vital that adoptive parents make themselves
aware of the fact that adopted children will comprehend the
adoption with all its implications not until they have entered
their second decade of life. They (adoptive parents ) can help
the child to achieve a positive and extensive comprehension of
the adoption by openly and honestly discussing the issue instead
of avoiding it. It is equally important that they are also aware
of the difference between adoptive families and biological
families further understanding the special status of their own
family. Primarily they should not overstrain the child and
confront it with unrealistic expectations but should give the
child the time it needs for the long lasting cognitive
development process which will conclude in a full comprehension
of the adoption.
Source:
http://www.international-adoption-site.info">www.international-adoption-site.info
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